And then....

                                                      Well……

Life was so simple before I picked up my readings for this week.  I read the article in the book on social media and loneliness and thought, “I don’t agree with this at all. I have 500 words to share how social media keeps me in touch with my kids. It does not make me lonely.  I like seeing pictures of what they choose to order at a restaurant.   Certainly, it’s not as much fun as stealing a bite off of their plates or sharing a scrumptious dessert, but the picture opens a window into their world.”   I spent several minutes remembering how many friends from high school I have found and how nice it is to be able to stay connected with their worlds.  How wonderful it is to reach out and say “Congratulations.” Or “Happy Birthday.” Or “I’m so sorry.  You’re in my thoughts.”  No, I absolutely do not feel lonelier with Facebook.  So, I decided I would write about the wonderful gift social media has been in my life with my 7 kids scattered everywhere. 

 And then…..


And then, I read “Sign Here If You Exist.”   

And then a debate raged inside of my brain.  “Just leave it alone, go with your original plan.  No, it’s not the most interesting, but it is the easiest.  And after last week, you’re allowed easy. But……”

And then, the irresistible temptation to dive into “Sign Here If You Exist” beat my exhaustion back and here I am opening Pandora’s Box.

I’m reading about a wasp laying eggs in a caterpillar – okay, still good for blogging about Facebook. 

 And then…. 

“…it’s easy to let go of God…But is much more difficult to truly put to rest the belief in an afterlife.”

Oh, no! I’m hooked.  Initially, I’m wondering how the diverse subjects of a wasp and an afterlife will merge.  And then….

I am drawn deeper as my own childhood is mirrored in Jill Quinn’s upbringing, and her questions mimic my own.  Her conversation with her mother about religious/spiritual issues echo my own.   When I asked question after question about my parents’ fervent beliefs, my mom would sigh with exhausted worry and plead, “Why do you have to question so much?  Why not just believe?  It is what it is.”  Finally, screwing up my courage one day as a budding rebellious teenager, I answered her.  I spit back at her, “Is your big, bad ass God afraid of my little ole human questions?"    
Yeh… lightening didn’t strike me, but the kitchen instantly filled with glaciers.

For a while, I tried to appease my parents by believing in a creator that put the laws into motion and let “creation unspool itself.” 

 And then….

Just as Jill came to realize, dismissing the judgmental, schizophrenic, psychotic killer sitting on a thrown known as my parents’ God was easy.  It just doesn’t make sense.  If God was, well God, then why is he petty, judgmental, angry, jealous and have all of humans’ very worst qualities?  Who needs that?  And why would there be so many different belief systems across the world if there was truly One god?  And if Jesus is the only way to heaven, well, what about those who never heard that story or were born before then?  And why do all these stories have a common history in ancient Sumerian stories about Osiris and Isis or Gilgamesh?

On numerous occasions, just like Jill, have wanted my parents to read articles or arguments that have the capacity to expand their knowledge. After all, my dad is constantly sending me sermons or religious based propaganda.  But, it would upset their world to entertain any idea that is not preached from the Southern Baptist pulpit, so I don’t. 

 Dismissing the afterlife is another story.  I have been passionate about Science since my very first picture book filled with pop ups of planets and stars.  There’s a law, you may have heard of “E=mc^2”.  It says that energy cannot be destroyed.  Life is energy.  We measure “aliveness” by putting electrodes on our bodies and recording the energy radiating from us.  So, where does that energy go when the bodies die?

 I spent twenty years researching (yes, I know that’s a tenuous word to use with this audience) reincarnation.  There are some very compelling stories, especially the children’s stories.  (I won’t go into any details here, but if you are intrigued, let’s talk.)  So, I have managed to de-throne the god of my childhood and keep my need for an afterlife. 

Reading that humans are programmed to believe in an afterlife was very interesting and compelling.  The idea will take some time for me to digest fully.  And her last sentence disturbed me, but also bears contemplation.



“Your trillions of cells-only 10 percent of which, remember, were yours anyway ---will become parts of trillions of things.  And even the 10 percent wasn’t really yours to begin with.  You were only borrowed.  We’ve had it backward all along:   the body is immortal—it is the soul that dies.”

 Well, then….